Attachment 101

It has been quite the weekend...Friday night we went to small group...it was really nice...our pastor's wife and my firend, Lisa made everyone dinner and they had balloons and a cake. We just sat around visiting. The kids are always so excited when we go to small group. The Kroll kids have a lot of animals...hamsters, a bunny, a dog, some fish...they have video games and of course all of their toys are better than the toys at our house, right?

We have a tendency to just let the kids play on their own, problem solve themselves when the need arises, unless, of course, there is blood. Ellie is pretty easy going and so, we let her mix in with the rest of the group. She spent a lot of time playing with one of the older girls...being held, sitting in her lap...when it was time to go, Ellie wanted to stay with Makayla...hmmm.

Now, we had seen this behavior with Ruthie, our oldest as well...the first few days home, Ruthie was holding her hand everywhere, sitting her in her lap and when it was time for me to pick Ellie up and do something with her, she would cry and reach for Ruthie. I am not hurt by this other than to say I feel bad that we allowed it to begin...it is confusing to Ellie...She is used to different care takers all the time and goes to others easily and trusts them.

Some might be prone to blow this off..."she will get over it." Well, having worked in the nursery for several years, I am quite used to dealing with kids with "separation anxiety." You know, the kids who scream when mom drops them off...you get them to calm down about 15 minutes before pick up, you get them to play about 3 minutes before pick up...mom comes and they still reach for her...they don't usually want to stay with you...even though you have been their world for the last 60 minutes.

So, Adam and I decided to put the no holding/helping/feeding rule out there. It is impossible with three other children for us to cocoon ourselves into our home for the next however many months...we must venture out...to church, to baseball, to gymnastics...you know, life. But, until we feel that Ellie knows the difference between Mommy and Daddy and the rest of civilization, all of her needs will be met by one of us. Everything from feeding to diaper changes, etc. This will at times be frustrating for us and others I am sure. But, it is what is necessary in the process of attachment. WE know that Ellie does not have problems attaching...she attaches too easily and that in itself is it's own form of an attachment disorder.

We did go to baseball on Saturday and church on Sunday...I spent most of the Sunday school hour in an empty room...Ellie wanted to talk the whole time so we excused ourselves. She had a few meltdowns during that hour because she wanted to wander the halls and I wouldn't let her. I would only put her down in a closed room so as not to disturb some classes that had their doors open. At times like these, it is very evident that she is not at all used to being told, "NO!" She literally threw herself onto the floor and let loose with some kicking and screaming. Although she has had some meltdowns, this was the first time I had seen this. During these meltdowns, she does not allow any comfort...she completely tightens her body and pushes away. I finally picked her up and made her sit in a chair until she eventually reached for me. When I picked her up the crying stopped immediately. I have done this now two other times and it seems to be working quicker each time.

After the tantrum during Sunday school, she fell asleep and I hoped she would sleep through worship...no go...so, I spent most of worship in the nursery...I let her play freely with the toys in the room and she walked around independently. She did not share well...hmmm...afterward, we played on the playground for a bit but cut out earlier than usual.

We had a cook out with some very good friends of ours and just let all the kids play and get to know Blondie. it was a good time and she left without incident. Today, is my first day holding office hours again...I have so much to do! She is the only one here and for the most part has wanted to sit in my lap while I work...makes working a little difficult so I am finding little things to keep her busy on the floor so I can talk to her but work at the same time...right now, she is playing with a plastic box that some ink pens came in...oh to be two again.