And Just Like That:

We have a court date.

I'm standing at the counter while they check us into the hotel in Kras and Yelena, our regional facilitator turns to me and says, "so, I am taking your documents to court today." Just like that! And I am like, "AAAAAHHHHH!" And she smiles and says, "yes, I think you will have court on March 25." Mental math...traveling again just three weeks after I get home! So now I have to endure the wait of knowing whether or not the judge granted the court date. Wednesday goes by, Thursday goes by, Friday goes by, we see no one on Saturday and at last, they pick us up to take us to the airport and I can't stand it any longer...so, standing back at the registration counter, this time checking out, I say, "so, did we get the 25th?" She sort of nonchalantly nods like she is thinking isn't that what I said would happen? And I am thinking Do you have any idea how many times I have been let down in this process?

So, I begin to make plans in my head for travel but I am doing all of this kind of on the outside like still too afraid to believe it is real; feeling a little sick...like what have we done? Up until now, we have been going through the motions of a foreign adoption and now, in just a little more than a month, we will be bringing our daughter home forever. A little angel that even after meeting her I have held a piece of my heart back...afraid a Russian couple might walk in and fall in love with her, sweeping her right out from under me...afraid the country might close again and I may not be able to return for her...

My flight lands in Tampa and I have already told Adam about the potential court date and we agree it is best not to make any plans or tell many people until our agency in the US confirms the dates and tells us to start booking our travel arrangements. I call my FC on Monday morning and she confirms that I should hold off until she gets word from the stateside facilitator. Monday goes by, Tuesday, I emailed my FC to see if she could look into it, after all, time is money when you consider visas and plane tickets...and she says to me that I should not do anything..."it is the Russian custom to try to please people." Meaning that the facilitator in Kras may have felt like she needed to make me happy and I wanted to say, "Is it the Russian custom to lie?" But, I didn't. Wednesday, I woke up feeling like garbage...flew, jet lag, a little of both. I slept most of the morning. That night I got an email from my FC saying she had resigned effective 3/14. Ok, not the best news but still in hopes of having that 3/25 court date, I am thinking most of the details of our travel will be ironed out by then. On Thursday...she and I email back and forth about her future plans and how I just really want to finish this with her...we have been together in this for 2.5 years, I don't want some stranger to call me with my good news, I want her. But, I am excited to learn that she will be in Orlando, just a hop, skip and a jump away...plus, her parents live very close to me so, we will keep in touch and she will be able to meet Els someday...I go to bed praying Friday will be the day.

Friday, I get up with new hope...after all, most referrals and court dates have been received on Fridays...I can't explain the reason for this...just the trend. Adam and I meet at the lab to renew our blood work and Xrays that have now expired because it is, in fact, the 3 month mark today and they are only good for 3 months...you know, I may have picked up HIV or Hep B in the last few weeks...who knows? So, that done, I go back home and try to stay busy getting caught up on some work...of course "try" is the key word here. So, I had to leave to go get my kids from school and I left my cell in the car (literally 5 minutes)...one missed call...it's Christi...and we got our court date...drum roll...March 25th! Ok, it wasn't "just like that"...

Feeling a Little Woozy

I'm home! It was a long day of travel and trying to stay awake so I could sleep when I got home last night...I did it! Got into my home around 10pm last night and after spending sometime talking to my husband, I dozed off somewhere between 11:30 and midnight and I am up this morning but looking forward to a nap:0)

Here's what happened:

When I got to Atlanta (going over) I found my gate for Moscow and waited for my friend Debbie to arrive. When she got there we went and got some lunch and then waited for our flight. We just sat and talked...compared info from our agencies, speculated on court dates etc. The flight over was pretty uneventful and not full so I had an extra seat and was able to stretch out although sleep was elusive. In Moscow, we had a 10 hour layover. We spent this layover in the domestic terminal and for those of you who have been there, I don't need to say any more but we had such a fun time people watching! I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time!

The flight from Moscow to Kras was sweltering! The plane was brand new but apparently, they don't want to ware out the A/c so they blew hot air on us the entire 5 hours and we were nauseous by the time we arrived but on the bright side, when we got off the plane the -10 temp was a blessing! Our driver's were right there! And, they were very impressed with our packing:0)

We got to the hotel and had lots of time to relax. We showered, took a little nap and then hunted for food. Debbie showed me how to walk to the grocery store and we found Nick's patio and ate there...it was funny! We just walked down the line and pointed like idiots and when we sat down realized there was no way we were NOT going to be hungry when we finished eating! Oh Well.

We were picked up at 3:00 to head to the orphanage. Because of the first trip, I expected to spend 3 days of total bliss just holding and playing with my daughter. She had other plans and made them known from the moment I set eyes on her. This first visit was so stressful. She cried as soon as they brought her into the music room. I think they had pulled her away from her food as when her head was thrown back in a full blown scream, I could see pieces of food in her mouth. Probably not the best way to promote friendly feelings..."We are going to take you away from this food that you don't get much of to begin with so you can go see this lady you barely know." The nannies would not leave the room so that I could just hold her until the crying stopped. They kept her in their arms and kept coddling her. I was able to hold her some for about the last 15 minutes but she was still extremely cautious. We played with the puzzle I brought for her and she again demonstrated that she is very smart! I went with it and was not at all upset (other than at the nannies for not giving me the chance to sooth her myself) I walked away, relieved to see that she is extremely attached to a few of her caretakers and this is indeed a very good sign. At one point during the visit she yelled out "puzzle!" which was funny because I asked, "what did she say?" and our driver laughed and said, "puzzle, do you not know this word?" Apparently, it doesn't translate:0)

On day two, we started pretty much the same but this time they took me down to the children's playroom. OH-My-Goodness! 15-20 of the cutest most pitifully dressed but sweetest children I have ever seen are standing around in this room the size of an American bedroom with about 20 plastic rings and legos to share. They are not wearing diapers under their clothes...when they have an accident, they just change the pants...cheaper than diapers...so there is a smell to the room but I got right down on the floor and they swarmed around me like a pinata had burst! I pretty much avoided Ellie at this point and played with the other children in hope that she would see that I am not a threat. She watched me cautiously and did come over and sit and play with me for a bit but she cried every time one of the caretakers left the room. She smiled and walked over to give me a hug before I left so I felt this was some progress and requested that we start in the children's room the next day...request granted, or so I thought.

On day three, we had a morning visit. We left the hotel at 8am and I felt sick to my stomach. It was the last day I was going to be able to spend with her and I just wanted it to go well. When we got to the orphanage, Debbie and the other family were directed to go up to the music room and wait for their kids and I was escorted to Ellie's playroom. She wasn't there. She was in the music room...so we walked there. She was already crying when I walked into the room so I know it wasn't me...the room must freak her out. I left my stuff there and we walked back down to the playroom. It only took about 15 minutes for her warm up to me and she was no longer watching the nannies for their every move. There was one little boy in the room who was fascinated with me and he kept nudging his way in between us or sitting on my lap...so cute! They eventually had to put him in a play pen so I could focus on Els because I was splitting time with the other children. This day was wonderful. I held her freely and we laughed, she talked, I fed her her snack, we played and looked out the windows...she was completely comfortable and even turned to me for comfort when our driver came in to get me (a man). I got to see her personality for the first time and let me tell you, she is strong-willed but fun and very social once the guard comes down. I also had an extra hour this day because one of the families was celebrating a birthday and they forgot to bring Debbie's daughter in so they gave her extra time!

My camera was never in the same room with me so I came home with only 3 new pictures of her but lots of memories.

Our facilitator in Kras gave us complimentary tickets to the ballet at the opera house which sits just outside our hotel. No windows in the building, only heat. It had been 3 very emotionally draining days and I was tired and hot so I had to fight to stay awake but I was glad we went...it was very nice and my first time ever seeing a ballet. Saturday, we wandered the city a bit and then returned to the hotel for a girly movie marathon on the laptop.

Did I find out anything while I was there, you ask. Why, yes, I did.

visits over :0(

Today was my last visit with my little girl and it was so wonderful!!!! The last two days have been so incredibly stressful with her being just so confused and scared but today she was herself and we had so much fun playing for almost 3 hours. I got to go into her group's playroom and help with snack and just be part of the fun all morning! Being in this room instead of the room known as the "music room" really seemed to take the stress off of Ellie. She understands that something is different in this room and I was told that she was crying in the room before I even showed up. But, we got to go down to her room and she relaxed and everything went well. Tonight we will got to the opera accross the parking lot and tomorrow we will wander the city! I am keeping notes so I will post a chapter when I get home!

Delerium

We are in Kras...it was a long day (or two of travel) and we sat in the Moscow airport for nearly 12 hours but managed to have a blast...I am sure that 90% of it was pure delerium and I will blog more about this when I get home... I have not yet seen any of the other American families that are here and we have been here now 24 hours...weird. I think they are on a different visitation schedule than us. I got to see the little valentine yesterday for about 3 hours and I will get to see her again this afternoon and again tomorrow morning. Yesterday was a bit tramatic. I think they took her away from her lunch and she was not happy about it. In addition, she was scared. I got to see first hand how attached she is to her nannies and I am happy to see it as it is a good sign for her bonding process with us. She did eventually settle down and we left it on a good note. I will write a bit more later and the full story when we get back! Congrats to my girl Sherri on getting her court date!!! Praise the Lord! More to come!

Leaves and I'm Leavin'

Well, I am just about packed for my trip tomorrow and I am suffering bouts of sadness at leaving my husband and my children behind. I know it is less than a week but the thought of international travel to Siberia in the dead of winter is...scary. Now you can say, "you asked for it." I surely did. It is times like these, when I will be so far from my home that I realize how much everyone there means to me.

With more news on Friday, it is looking more and more like we will have a court date sooner than I thought. I am still not putting all of our eggs in one basket but we appear to be next in line. At the very least, I expect we will go in April if not sooner. I am anxious to nail our Russian facilitator down and see what she has to say.

I am traveling with only my back pack and a small suitcase…no checking of bags for me until we get to Moscow…Aeroflot is very strict about carry-ons so I will have to check my larger bag there. For Ellie I am taking a few little music toys, balloons, fruit snacks, a puzzle and some play dough. I thought she might like the feel of it in her hands and it would be a good way for me to see some of her fine motor skills.

This weekend we again stayed busy. Friday we vegged at home after Ruthie got home from gymnastics and went to bed early so we could go to Bush Gardens on Saturday. We spent the whole day there and just took our time wandering around and riding rides that are new since we were there last. We dropped Rusty off at my mom’s house on the way home and he is currently with her and some others in Daytona at his first Nascar race. As for us, we raked leaves today and we are about to sit down to board games while we watch the race. And later, last minute details…More from Russia…stay tuned!

Some News...

So, there were 3 families that I know of that traveled before us and needed to get court dates before us. Of course, there could be families who are in front of us that just don't participate in the chat. What is that about?:0) I mean, don't people know we need to know everything!? Anyway, two of the 3 families got court dates yesterday and they will stand before the judge in Kras on 3/4. I am so excited! They leave a week before that which puts them pretty much at the four month mark for time between trips. This is good news! I am, however, still taking it with a grain of salt.

When I get back from Russia, I will make plans to update our medicals, get the kid's medicals renewed and sealed and I have to secure a copy of our HS agency's new license. Then, we will wait again. It appears that Kras is issuing court dates for every other Tuesday so the next available date would be 3/18 and then, 4/1...how funny would that be? April fool's day? I am praying for the 18th as we would possibly be able to take custody of her on or before her birthday.

So, not much else to update on. I am excited with these developments! Congrats to Tim and Debbie & Greg and Jeanette! Have a wonderful trip!

Update: My FC has confirmed that we would be in the next batch in the "line up" for a court date and said we should go ahead with getting the kids medicals redone earlier than mid-March (yea!) and that we should go ahead and get our medicals updated as well. In addition, our HS agency's license came in today! The old one expires on 2/20 and the new one never arrives on time. God is moving, folks...hold on tight!

Nothing.

I got my passport and visa back in the mail today and so everything is in place for my trip on Monday. Our kids have a somewhat low key week while I am gone so things should go smoothly for Adam since there will not be anything out of the ordinary to deal with. I continue to plug away at things for work that I would like to be ahead on before I go. I will stay busy the rest of this week as I have to be at the school tomorrow for Valentine's day activities in the K class and on Friday for a field trip. The weekend will be pretty quiet since several families from our "circle of friends" are going camping. We opted not to go back when the plans were being made in hopes of being in Russia...hmmm, I guess I will be afterall.

It is amazing to find myself in a kind of state of nothingness. I don't know really how to explain it except that I feel like I should be so excited to be going, and I am; But this trip is bittersweet. I begin to wonder if I will be better for it and yet I cannot imagine not going. And I cannot imagine coming home, again, without my child. I continue to tell myself that I have made it 2.5 months and upon my return from this trip, if all holds true, I will have less than that to wait to return for her.

Two and a half months is nothing, right?

Dirty is Just Dirty!

I got a fair bit accomplished on my scrap book this weekend. I am just about finished with 2005 and I will forge right in to 2007 and try to get "the year of the journal" completed quickly so I can back track to 2006 which is already almost completely prepped. In no way do I expect to get caught up, but maybe I can put a dent into it before Ellie comes home...I do have to get onto her life book as well.

I am getting excited about my trip on Monday. I have to pick up a few things...namely foot warmers. I am taking these because we may have quite a bit of down time in region...so, we might try to get out and walk around a little bit.

Not a lot to update on. I did get to talk to my Fc this afternoon. I tried to nail her down on today's projected wait-time for Kras. It seems to change. She said that there was a handful of families that traveled before us...meaning that we are not that far back in line and that 4-5 months would be a good estimate for right now. This does in fact indicate that they are expecting a bit of a slow down but with this trip to hold me over, I feel that if I have to wait an extra month, I will be ok. Just being able to check on her is going to make a huge difference. So, looks like, for today anyway, we can expect a court date anytime between late March and late April. I pray that if we cannot be home for her birthday, I can at the very least be with her.

I am not hearing wonderful things about this "new hotel" our agency is working with so I have added sheets and a towel to my packing list for this short trip...good stuff! I despise a dirty hotel. I can handle "different," I can handle "dated," whatever..."dirty" is just dirty!

Holy Scrap!

I am off for a SCRAPBOOK weekend with the girls...I leave in one hour to be exact. I have never been so disorganized for a weekend but, oh well...what can I do now? I want to congratulate Carey and Norman on getting "the call." They have court in Vlad on Feb 22...YAY! Praise to the Lord!

Also, if you readers could be in prayer for a little boy named Aiden and his family...he is a fighter but his family needs some answers and some relief. I put his link on the side bar under links! Please visit and offer words of encouragement and prayers.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Hump Day...

Not much to say...I posted my itinerary on the side bar for those of you wondering what my visit might be like. Our agency is going to be working with a new hotel in Kras that has internet access in the rooms and is only $100/night...we may or may not stay there on this trip...depends on availability but most likely will stay there for court. I can't wait to see Ellie and I am also excited to see if she has grown, if she seems to remember me. Besides the obvious excitement of being with my child, I am anxious to speak to the in-country staff with regards to the rumors of court dates slowing down in Kras.


We had a pretty full weekend. I took the older two to a movie on Friday night while Adam had Flip at a birthday party. We saw National Treasure and I was surprised at how well I liked it...now I will have to go back and watch the first one. Saturday morning we had another birthday party at a park and it was a beautiful day to play outside...we got to run home for just few hours before we had to be back out for Ruthie to practice AWANA games...the competition is this weekend. When she was finished we took the kids and two of Ruthie's friends putt-putt golfing and for ice cream and then the two girls spent the night. (Is there anything like little girls having a sleepover? giggling and talking allLLLLLLL night)


After church on Sunday we had the opportunity to take one of the missionaries our church sponsors to lunch...that was really fun and very informative...he is from Bangladesh and adoption is illegal there...in case you wondered. One of his missions is children's homes...his group currently runs 3 homes and has the goal of opening 3 more in the next few years!

And now it is Wednesday...before you know it, it will be Friday and another week will have come and gone...

And We're Off...

Good news...My friend Debbie got approval through her agency to visit as well and so we will meet in Atlanta and travel together. This makes me so much more comfortable about going without Adam. We will be staying an extra few days in order to save money on the flight...go figure. We will save about $1500 by staying the extra two nights. Too bad this doesn't work with Hawaii or Fiji, right? Anyway, we leave on the 18th, get into Kras on the 20th (due to the long flights and the time difference) We will see our girls on the 20th and the 21st and maybe even the 22nd...the 23rd-25th are holidays in Russia so I will not be able to see her on the 23rd and I wonder if anything will be open? I will probably be tired so this will be a good day to sleep before a grueling day of travel on the 24th.

We are opting to save the money this go round and not get the $300 nap at the Novotel in Moscow before hopping on the Kras flight. On the way over, we will be traveling for what amounts to 33 hours and on the way back, 24hours (including layovers) I would say I will sleep pretty good every time I get the chance! I just paid for my tickets (YIKES!), the visa application will be to it's destination in the morning and should be back to me in about a week...with little time to spare!

I am taking with me: a peg puzzle with animals on it, balloons, fruit snacks (she loves them), monkeys in a barrel, a few pair of shoes to try on her, a measuring tape:0) I plan to travel with a back pack and one very small suitcase that will only need to be checked in Moscow...now, if I can just focus on getting all my work done before I go...

High Hoe, High Hoe

It's off to Kras I go! I am so excited to report that I am going to see my baby...It is a very quick trip and I stopped to wonder if it was worth the money but that only lasted about 20 seconds before I realized that I would give everything I have to bring that child home so what is another $2000 to go and see her. I am still praying that we would recieve a March court date. Our agency is no longer saying 3-4 months but rather 4 months...that would put us at the end of March. I feel right now that we will more than likely go into April and the thought of not seeing her until mid April or even May has really been bringing me down. Even if we go into April, I think it will be bearable if I get to spend some time with her between now and then. So, I will take what I can get.

So, I will get to see my Ellie on 2/20 and 2/21!!!! These are the dates I was given by our Russian facilitatator as to when the in country staff would be able to deal with getting me to and from the baby home.

My friend Debbie, who was with us on trip one is working on getting permission from her agency to visit her daughter, who is in the same baby home. This way, we will get to share some of the expenses (hotel and driver) and we will be together!

My visa application is filled out and as soon as I have my final itenerary, I will post it! And now, we are off for Chuck E. Cheese...Joy!

BTW, is anyone else having trouble with the spell check on blogger?

Good GRIEF!

The first one to come home from our region is now home a few weeks...she posted on our chat all about her trip and how she and her daughter are doing. One of the things she mentioned was that her daughter is really grieving. At night, she cries...like screams, wailing tears. She allows her mother to hold her but continues to cry. This is not an uncommon scenario for adopted children...even small children.

I had begun to read the book, Becoming a Family: Bonding and Attachment...I had to put it down. After the way Ellie walked right into my arms and seemed to want to stay there, I thought, "No way will we have all these issues." But after talking to several families that have brought home children who have lived in institutions the first 2-3 years of their lives and reading many blogs, I can no longer deny the fact that I need to be prepared...my child will grieve.

She may not have all of the same bonding issues that others are/have having/had but there will be something that is different from the way I bonded with my three natural children. It breaks my heart to think how confused and frankly scared she will be when we take her from that place. Probably her only time in a car was when she was transported from the hospital to the orphanage. Her world is so isolated. The baby home sits kind of back with not much happening around it...Has she ever seen a city bus, a tall building...an AIRPLANE? Has she ever been strapped into a car seat...we all know the answer is: no. Every sound, smell and voice will be different for her.

I begin to wonder if I will be able to comfort her those first few days in Kras? What will she think of the hotel? The car? The airplane to Moscow? Will she like her first bath in a tub or will it scare her to death? What will she think when I offer her something to eat besides gruel? Will she know I am doing all of it because I love her? I pray that my words and my touch will tell her it is so.