Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Long version: We have been in Kras now since early Sunday morning. We are at the Kras hotel and there are 3 other families that had court with us today and Sherri is still here with her little girl but she leaves tomorrow. It has really been a nice time getting to know her and her little girl. She has been so kind…passing things down that she did not need or use and being such an encouragement to me over the last few days.
We had our first visit with Ellie yesterday and it was less than wonderful:0) She was extremely upset…crying before she even got into the room. After about ten minutes, Adam asked our facilitator to ask the care takers to leave the room so that we could try to comfort her on our own. She was having quite the tantrum and tried to hit, scratch and even bit me once. I was able to sooth her using a few Russian phrases I learned and she eventually calmed down but the caretakers kept passing through the room and this would only serve to upset her again.
During the visit, the home psychiatrist came in and told us that she is extremely spoiled by the caretakers and that she is a favorite in the home…therefore she acts the way she does. The director of the home also told us that she had just aged out of her usual group and has only been in her new room for less than one week and that she had been having tantrums all week. Both of these statements were encouraging to us and we continue to be pleased with the attachment we see between her and the caretakers.
She also allowed us to give her snacks, change her pants and even went so far as to place food in Adam’s mouth which shows that she had already begun to show a level of comfort after just an hour or so. When it was time for them to go back to their rooms, we went into the director’s office so that they could reaffirm that we wanted to adopt her…they gave us her schedule, and went over the medicals again…as we were loading into the van, a nanny came around the corner and Els and another little boy were in the buggy she was pushing…they asked her, “where is your mama?” She looked up and scanned the crowd…looked at all the women and then pointed to me. She smiled at us waved…and we were on our way…
Court: All of our prepping took place in the car on the way to and from the orphanage. I did not feel at all overwhelmed by the prepping. They told us that either one of us could do the bulk of the speaking. (I asked if it was offensive for the woman to speak and both our facilitator and our translator said absolutely not…also, all the people who seemed to really matter in this hearing were women, Alexander included) At first we thought that I would talk the most since I was more familiar with all of the docs but Adam was more in control emotionally so before I fell asleep at 11pm, it was decided that he would face the judge first.
We were to be in the lobby at 9AM for a 930 court appearance. We got to the court and we waited in the lobby until the translator, the baby home director and the Minister of Education were all present. At some point the secretary for the court came and got us all…we walked past the guard booth through a turn stall and metal detector that no one was really manning…we all set it off…up some steps, around some corners, down some steps and were directed to sit outside court room #5. We were asked to come in and have a seat…then we were asked to go back into the hall as the other couple would be going before us…this was a little bit of a let down as I had been up since 4AM and just wanted to be done
already…emotionally, I was on edge, physically, I was exhausted and hungry not to mention the nerves. When the other family came out, I could tell by their faces that something had gone wrong but there was no time to talk to them as we were called in right away.
So here are the details all you Kras families really want to hear…the court room looks similar to a court room in the states but it is old and plain…Yelena, Galina, and Alexander (the MOE) all sit to the side. The judge is straight in front of you behind her raised desk and the court recorder sits by the ladies while the prosecutor (a man in a military looking coat) sits to the other side by himself.
To start the hearing…everyone rises. The judge summarizes the petition to the court and then asks you to introduce yourselves giving your name, DOB, place of birth, employer and place of residence. At this time the primary speaker will stand and be questioned. The facilitator here did a wonderful job of telling us exactly what they would ask and in what order. Nothing is asked that is not already in your paperwork with the exception how you are prepared to handle the issues that will undoubtedly arise for an adopted child. For us, they were very concerned about how our children felt and whether or not we could love this child as we love our biological children. These questions were asked repeatedly to us in different ways.
When the judge is done asking the primary speaker questions, the prosecutor is given an opportunity to ask questions…in our case, his questions were repetitive and so were our answers. Next, the spouse stands for questioning. In our case it was me. They asked me how I would be able to love her as much when I carried these other children in my womb and I have already missed so much of her life???? I explained that from the beginning, we have never differentiated between biological and adopted children…to us, all children are considered a gift and we feel lucky to be blessed with this child. We look at this adoption not as what we can give to Ellie but how we can be blessed by having her in our lives. The prosecutor again was given a chance to question me. All total, I was questioned for maybe 10 minutes and Adam for about 20-30 minutes.
When they were finished questioning us, Galina, the head of the baby home stood…she went through the medical report a little, explained the circumstances of how our child came to be eligible for adoption, spoke a little on how we interacted with her and then made the statement that she supported us and felt the adoption was in the best interests of the child. Next, the MOE did much the same, followed by the prosecutor. We were then asked to step out into the hall…literally two minutes later we went back and the judge read her decision…I bawled, and my knees gave out…what an amazing experience we have had…the relief and joy are overwhelming. Thank you, Father for your unfailing love!
Now we will spend the rest of this week and all of next week visiting her in the home and we will pick her up on Friday, 4/4.
Short version: Praise God!!!! The judge said said yes.
We got her!!!!
Oh my goodness…every bad thought I could possibly have had leading up to this moment was in vain…Our facilitators picked us up at 4:00 in the lobby and we loaded up with all of our gear…clothes to change them into, snow suits, shoes, cameras, towels and bags in case of puke…When we got to the orphanages, they sent us to the same room we visit in…we got out all of her clothes and they took us into their group rooms so that we could get pics of her rooms at the home. Those faces and scenes will be with me for the rest of my life…although I had seen it in February, it was different somehow now that I was taking her from it…more significant that I take in every detail, every face.
a slow perusal of everything…surprisingly she was not very interested in the toys. She was more interested in the sounds outside and the telephone.
