Holy Scrap!

I am off for a SCRAPBOOK weekend with the girls...I leave in one hour to be exact. I have never been so disorganized for a weekend but, oh well...what can I do now? I want to congratulate Carey and Norman on getting "the call." They have court in Vlad on Feb 22...YAY! Praise to the Lord!

Also, if you readers could be in prayer for a little boy named Aiden and his family...he is a fighter but his family needs some answers and some relief. I put his link on the side bar under links! Please visit and offer words of encouragement and prayers.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Hump Day...

Not much to say...I posted my itinerary on the side bar for those of you wondering what my visit might be like. Our agency is going to be working with a new hotel in Kras that has internet access in the rooms and is only $100/night...we may or may not stay there on this trip...depends on availability but most likely will stay there for court. I can't wait to see Ellie and I am also excited to see if she has grown, if she seems to remember me. Besides the obvious excitement of being with my child, I am anxious to speak to the in-country staff with regards to the rumors of court dates slowing down in Kras.


We had a pretty full weekend. I took the older two to a movie on Friday night while Adam had Flip at a birthday party. We saw National Treasure and I was surprised at how well I liked it...now I will have to go back and watch the first one. Saturday morning we had another birthday party at a park and it was a beautiful day to play outside...we got to run home for just few hours before we had to be back out for Ruthie to practice AWANA games...the competition is this weekend. When she was finished we took the kids and two of Ruthie's friends putt-putt golfing and for ice cream and then the two girls spent the night. (Is there anything like little girls having a sleepover? giggling and talking allLLLLLLL night)


After church on Sunday we had the opportunity to take one of the missionaries our church sponsors to lunch...that was really fun and very informative...he is from Bangladesh and adoption is illegal there...in case you wondered. One of his missions is children's homes...his group currently runs 3 homes and has the goal of opening 3 more in the next few years!

And now it is Wednesday...before you know it, it will be Friday and another week will have come and gone...

And We're Off...

Good news...My friend Debbie got approval through her agency to visit as well and so we will meet in Atlanta and travel together. This makes me so much more comfortable about going without Adam. We will be staying an extra few days in order to save money on the flight...go figure. We will save about $1500 by staying the extra two nights. Too bad this doesn't work with Hawaii or Fiji, right? Anyway, we leave on the 18th, get into Kras on the 20th (due to the long flights and the time difference) We will see our girls on the 20th and the 21st and maybe even the 22nd...the 23rd-25th are holidays in Russia so I will not be able to see her on the 23rd and I wonder if anything will be open? I will probably be tired so this will be a good day to sleep before a grueling day of travel on the 24th.

We are opting to save the money this go round and not get the $300 nap at the Novotel in Moscow before hopping on the Kras flight. On the way over, we will be traveling for what amounts to 33 hours and on the way back, 24hours (including layovers) I would say I will sleep pretty good every time I get the chance! I just paid for my tickets (YIKES!), the visa application will be to it's destination in the morning and should be back to me in about a week...with little time to spare!

I am taking with me: a peg puzzle with animals on it, balloons, fruit snacks (she loves them), monkeys in a barrel, a few pair of shoes to try on her, a measuring tape:0) I plan to travel with a back pack and one very small suitcase that will only need to be checked in Moscow...now, if I can just focus on getting all my work done before I go...

High Hoe, High Hoe

It's off to Kras I go! I am so excited to report that I am going to see my baby...It is a very quick trip and I stopped to wonder if it was worth the money but that only lasted about 20 seconds before I realized that I would give everything I have to bring that child home so what is another $2000 to go and see her. I am still praying that we would recieve a March court date. Our agency is no longer saying 3-4 months but rather 4 months...that would put us at the end of March. I feel right now that we will more than likely go into April and the thought of not seeing her until mid April or even May has really been bringing me down. Even if we go into April, I think it will be bearable if I get to spend some time with her between now and then. So, I will take what I can get.

So, I will get to see my Ellie on 2/20 and 2/21!!!! These are the dates I was given by our Russian facilitatator as to when the in country staff would be able to deal with getting me to and from the baby home.

My friend Debbie, who was with us on trip one is working on getting permission from her agency to visit her daughter, who is in the same baby home. This way, we will get to share some of the expenses (hotel and driver) and we will be together!

My visa application is filled out and as soon as I have my final itenerary, I will post it! And now, we are off for Chuck E. Cheese...Joy!

BTW, is anyone else having trouble with the spell check on blogger?

Good GRIEF!

The first one to come home from our region is now home a few weeks...she posted on our chat all about her trip and how she and her daughter are doing. One of the things she mentioned was that her daughter is really grieving. At night, she cries...like screams, wailing tears. She allows her mother to hold her but continues to cry. This is not an uncommon scenario for adopted children...even small children.

I had begun to read the book, Becoming a Family: Bonding and Attachment...I had to put it down. After the way Ellie walked right into my arms and seemed to want to stay there, I thought, "No way will we have all these issues." But after talking to several families that have brought home children who have lived in institutions the first 2-3 years of their lives and reading many blogs, I can no longer deny the fact that I need to be prepared...my child will grieve.

She may not have all of the same bonding issues that others are/have having/had but there will be something that is different from the way I bonded with my three natural children. It breaks my heart to think how confused and frankly scared she will be when we take her from that place. Probably her only time in a car was when she was transported from the hospital to the orphanage. Her world is so isolated. The baby home sits kind of back with not much happening around it...Has she ever seen a city bus, a tall building...an AIRPLANE? Has she ever been strapped into a car seat...we all know the answer is: no. Every sound, smell and voice will be different for her.

I begin to wonder if I will be able to comfort her those first few days in Kras? What will she think of the hotel? The car? The airplane to Moscow? Will she like her first bath in a tub or will it scare her to death? What will she think when I offer her something to eat besides gruel? Will she know I am doing all of it because I love her? I pray that my words and my touch will tell her it is so.

OOOOF!

Funny story: We have a wagon that we pull behind the bike and the two boys ride in it...well, I decided that this afternoon we would ride over to my mom's house to pick up some stuff that I need for work...So, Ruthie on her bike with her helmet on and me on Adam's bike (he usually pulls the boys) with the boys in the wagon set off for my mom's...she lives about two miles from us. We come to a bridge that we have to ride over and I notice that the side walk narrows and on either side are pilings...so, because I am pulling about 80lbs uphill, I decide to get off to make sure we clear it...but once we clear it I get back on to ride down the hill. However, on the other side, the sidewalk narrows again but I am going too fast now and I have 80lbs pushing me down the hill...one of the wheels on the wagon gets caught on a piling and rips the wagon off the back of the bike and launches me forward. No one is harmed...the wagon is ruined and left for dead on the side of the road and we had to walk back to our house...only about 1/2 mile...good times.

In adoption news: The dates I proposed for a visit were shot down but my FC assures me that our facilitator will check with the in country staff as well as the orphanage director and he will give me the dates I can go visit. So, it may not be a convenient time for me to go, but they will allow me to go. The reason for this is that there are currently families in country and other families scheduled for court that will need the drivers to get them where they need to be...this is certainly understandable and I will expect the same when I go, so...how can I complain? (at least I will get to go.) And, if I go later in Feb. I may be able to carry over my agency's new license as well as my children's medicals...we'll see.

Also, the woman that traveled with us on our first trip has asked to go for a visit as well so I assume that they will schedule us at the same time and we will be able to share a room, driver's fees etc. We have already talked and we will likely meet in Atlanta and fly accross together as well. Yea!

This Just In...

I wasn't expecting to hear anything from our agency until at least the middle of February regarding, well, anything. I was doing really good with this over the last few days. On Thursday, I had resigned myself to a March court date and in my mind began to hope for early March. I made a pact with myself not to email or call my FC until she emailed me first with some news. (I have a tendency to email her at least twice a week with questions) So yesterday, she emailed me at 5:05PM...I did not get it until 5:45 when I am sure she had already left her office....uuugh!

Basically this was the request for the additional docs they need for our file before it can be submitted for a court date. I am taking this as good news in that they are looking at our file! I am, however, holding myself in check as far as getting too excited. One of the things they are requesting is updated medicals on our children. Next to this line item, she wrote, "middle of March ok." I immediately began to wonder if she meant update them in the middle of March or it is ok for them to expire in the middle of March. If it means update them in the middle of March than I fear they do not anticipate us getting a court date prior to late March at the earliest. This is not the news I am hoping for but it will give me a time frame to work with and when I have my expectations set to a realistic time clock, I find I function much better in this process.

The other items needed are just copies of the home study agency's license for the periods when the original and both updates were completed, the new license (which is not yet in), and a power of attorney for the facilitator in Russia to act on our behalf with the court there. I can have all of this done today with the exception of the missing license but I am waiting for word from my FC regarding the timing of the medicals.

Update: My Fc says to wait on renewing the children's medicals until closer to March...these are good for 3 months so I am not happy with this news but I am going to deal with it. The Coordinator is not estimating on time frame for court dates...my FC says he has been leery of doing this recently...another not so good sign. So, I will get the docs in that I can now and I will wait on the medicals until mid to late Feb. if they expire in May and we still do not have our daughter home...someone will have to Baker Act me. lol.

I have asked if it would be permissible for me to go visit her in Mid-Feb. I am waiting to hear back on that. I do not know if we can swing it financially but if we can and I am allowed, I am going. Stay tuned...

My Night Light

"I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." John 12:46

GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED

I envy Kevin. My brother Kevin thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night.

He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, "Are you there, God?" he said. "Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed.."

I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.

He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult.

He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.

I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?

Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed.

The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.

He does not seem dissatisfied.

He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.

He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.

And Saturdays-oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. "That one's goin' to Chi-car-go!" Kevin shouts as he claps his hands.

His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.

And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.

He doesn't know what it means to be discontent.

His life is simple.

He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.

His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.

He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax.

He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure.

He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.

Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God.

Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an "educated" person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.

In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith.

It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions

It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap . I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care

Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.

And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.

Kevin won't be surprised at all!

On Love

So, now that I have got it into my head that I will not have a court date until March, my spirits have come up from the pit they were in most of last week. Adam and I took the kids to Gainesville on Saturday to see the Auburn swim team in a dual meet with UF. Our girls lost and our guys won. The drive was nice and it was a relief to get out of the house and away from everything for the day. After the meet we asked some locals for a good pizza spot and the directed us to a great spot in downtown Gainesville where we ate some delicious and extremely pricey pizza.

It rained the whole way home (about 2.5 hrs) and the kids watched a DVD with the head phones on so it gave us time to just talk in the car. When there are three children around, sometimes even though you live with a person, sleep with a person, doesn't mean you actually get to talk to the person.

On Sunday, we were again busy...after church, we got some lunch and the kids were promised a bike ride so Adam took them to do that while I was catching up on some work. Then we went to our church business meeting where Adam was voted in as the newest deacon...so that was exciting and tonight we kick off a week long revival that we are really excited about.

Not much happening in adoption news...another family from our agency received a court date and we were told that will likely be the last one for February. (19th) I haven't heard that anyone has received the 26th (our region only holds court for adoptions on Tuesdays) so, it is not impossible that others will not get that date. There are currently 3 families in front of us so when we see that they have received their court dates, we will know we are close to ours. Please continue to pray that the Lord will provide miracles for these families, that He will continue to go before us and our paperwork and pave the way to bringing these children home.

We are just a few days away from February and Valentine's Day is coming quickly...how will you show your love? I leave you with an email I received from my step mom, Susan.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean? "The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

*"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

*"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

*"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

*"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

*"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

*"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

*"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

*"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

*"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

*"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

*"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

*"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people
watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

*"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

*"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

*"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

*"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

*"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

*"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

*"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

*"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

*And a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Her Mommy, Until I Really Am

I added a new ticker to the side bar...time since we met Ellie. It is helping me to keep some perspective. I think in my mind I had actually convinced myself we have been waiting for a court date forever. Not so. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I will willingly wait another 2.5 months...I will go kicking and screaming if that is the way of it...but alas, I will go one way or another.

So, after a minor attitude adjustment on my part, I am focused once again. I have begun to collect some additional copies of documents the court seems to be asking for from the families that have just or are about to receive their court dates. Among them are another copy of our marriage certificate (I just happened to have a certified copy of this because the last time I had to renew it, I got an extra one, just in case.) Also, a certified copy of the HS agencies licence from the year we did our original HS. I am also going to do another financial statement. We have already submitted this to region but since I don't know if it went to the court or the MOE, I am doing another one. I hope to have all of this by early next week. The only thing I am waiting for is a copy of the licence from 2005.

Our social worker has told me that the state will not issue a letter stating that their licence is good until the new one comes but she does think that they will send her the new one earlier rather than later. So, I am praying this is true. Ideally, I would like for it to come and be in Russia before it ever expires but my FC says that she does not think that this doc expiring will keep us from getting a court date.

I have resigned myself to a March court date. I am trying to decide what cake mix to take over for her birthday and I am finding it difficult to get myself psyched up for spending Easter away from these three and in Russia. To be truthful, I think I am starting to get anxious about being away for a month, any month.

All of Ellie's clothes are packed already. Although I did buy some new things, My friend Dinah gave me a bunch of stuff and a lot of it was Ruthie's from when she was little. So, she has a mix of new clothes and some treasures from the past.

I have gotten together most of what we need from our very comprehensive packing list...still to buy: a drain plug, clothes line and clothes pins. Also, I have to get some drugs together:0)

We have just a few more things to get accomplished in Ellie's room. I need to get a mattress for her trundle (in case one of us needs to sleep in there for a while), we need to put some shelving up in her closets and we have to hang some things on the wall. I would also like to buy a shelving unit to house these really cute baskets I bought that match her bedding. In the next few weeks I plan to go through the remaining clothes and toys we have on hand to see if we have enough clothing in her size to get us through the first few weeks at home. Our weather is just a wee bit different than the weather there (approximately 90 degrees different since it is -17 over there right now) so, she will need different clothing once we get home. These are things I enjoy doing right now...as if getting things ready for her is somehow being her mommy until the day when I really am.