I am a Christian

Ok, I thought after yesterday's extremely uplifting post(:0) I might get my act together and my focus where it needs to be. I got a pretty cool forward from a friend of mine this morning. I needed it...and after I shed a few tears, went for a run, had a talk with God and got into the word, I am on my way back from one of my worst days since this whole thing started.

Today I say, I am a Christian.

Christians

by Maya Angelou

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'" I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

Thanks For sharing Jill!

Hills

So many ups and downs in this journey...it's hard to even say how I feel right now with out being repetitious. It just feels like we will never get to the end of this. The families that are immediately in front of us in the timeline have had requests for additional documents...not really additional but rather more original copies of the same old thing. One family that received a court date last week has had it postponed with no rescheduled date yet given because the judge apparently had other plans that day...(are they for real?) At this point I find myself laughing out loud as I load the washing machine, wash dishes and then burst into tears at the total idiocy of this whole process. I mean, really, how many copies of the same document does one country need? The MOE which is literally within minutes of the court is not sharing copies of documents...so, we have to run around and collect certified original copies of the documents...all of which takes more money and time. Then they have to be apostilled and mailed to Russia and translated, yes, again. (More time) Then, it gets resubmitted for court. You know, time really is money...all the while, more docs are expiring and needing to be updated, more fees are going up, the dollar is going down and we are going broke. And all I really want is to bring my little girl home.

This news seems to have happened on Friday or maybe Monday, while I was out of town with my kids. We had a wonderful time skiing in Vermont and it was nice to not really think about this whole situation for a while. The Kids really progressed this year and Flip was on the lift his third day on skis. They were really excited this year and it was cool to see how well they retained what they learned this year and how much better they got in just three days on the slopes. It went by so quickly and the ski clothes are now washed and packed away until next year when I pray we will be taking Ellie with us.

It seems illogical to think that that we would not have her home by this time next year and yet with constant set backs and delays, my mind can't help but entertain the possibility. I am tired of this race. Today, it has gotten the better of me.

Update

WOOO HOO! Two more families got court dates in Kras. The date is 2/5 so we are now into February. This is really exciting news! One family is with our agency and the other family is not but it is significant that we heard about the 1/29 dates on Friday and the 2/5 dates just yesterday. It appears that the Russians are ready to move! This news came on the coat tails of an update from our agency:

All documents must be present and current in order to be submitted for court. I pray that our FBI clearances are in fact present and that we get our court date before our home study agency's license expires on 2/20. That means we would need the 2/12 or 2/19 dates. The license has not come in before the previous one expired the last two times we have had to update this document. I am currently waiting for news from the director as to whether or not we can obtain a letter that says the old license is valid until the new one arrives.

In addition, we found out that the CPS letter will no longer be required. (among other docs that don't really effect us) This is a praise because this letter has been extremely hard to get in FL. We did manage to find a woman who was diligently helping us get the letter together and I thank God for her spirit of kindness and for lifting the burden of this letter from the families chasing paper for court.

So, there are now possibly 2-4 families in front of us with our agency, depending on when all docs get where they are going and how the facilitators go about getting us submitted for court. So far, people have gotten court dates in the same order that they have traveled for trip one. I continue to rest in the Lord's timing of this process, to lift up my daughter for His protection and to ask for a speedy court date. Today is 8 weeks since I have seen my child. I pray that I can hold her in my arms again soon.

Yada, Yada

I have been trying to get more organized...more focused. I have found it extremely hard to concentrate on work when there are so many blogs and so many emails coming across all day long. So, I haven't been reading blogs or checking my email as much over the last few days. I haven't run in for one last check before bed since Thursday and therefore I didn't even find out about the court dates until SATURDAY! Humph!

Two AWAA families got court dates on Friday...mind you this was before "they" anticipated we would hear anything! God just doesn't care about our time tables:0) This is such awesome news! I mentioned before that there was the possibility of a second judge coming on in the new year. I still have not confirmed this to be the case but if it does happen, things should really begin to move. There are about 4-5 families within our agency and in our region that traveled before us and are all paper ready for court. I am anxiously waiting to hear that they have received court dates so I will know that we are coming up as well.

We got some disappointing news yesterday afternoon that the foreign fee is going up $2000 due to the dollar losing it's value in Russia. We are now shuffling finances trying to figure out how we can do this without having to charge anything and without robbing other savings that will needed at the end of the year to pay our taxes and insurance. It seems so wrong to talk about money when a child's life is on the line. The money means nothing to me other than I pray we have enough. We thought we had all the expenses covered and over the last two years and having to redo paperwork 2-3 times, mail, go to doctors more than the insurance will allow and now a fee increase, the final projection for total expenses puts us $8000 over what we thought we would pay when we began this journey. The Lord has put us on this path and I have faith that when the time comes, He will provide the funds.

I am preparing the docs needed for the US embassy...these are mainly just copies of tax returns, forms stating we will immunize the baby, copies of our immigration approval letter. These just have to be notarized. Thank goodness for the lovely ladies in Adam's office who notarize on the spot for us! (HI Darcie and Susan) I have also began to really start thinking about packing as this is such a major trip. Thirty days in a country that does not have Walmart is intimidating!

In other news:

• 
  
  The kids and I leave THursday for Vermont to ski this weekend away! I can't wait to see how they progress this year! Flip is moving out of the little day care ski camp and will be in full blown ski school and Ruthie is pretty much ready to ski with the big boys now.


• 
  
  I have decided that 2007 will be the year of the journal. As far as my scrap book goes for the year, everything will be mounted on black paper with photo corners and a journaling block. I am too far behind and I don't want to forget things before I journal. I have a life book to start as well as already being into 2008. So, with the exception of firsts: Kindergarten for Rusty, lost tooth, etc. this is how this scrapbook will be done. I am pleased with this decision:0)


• 
  
  We scrapped the carpeting. We will live with the ugly floor and the big concrete section will get covered with a rug. Too much $$$ right now. I had the area rugs cleaned and I am rearranging the furniture and finally hanging some of my stuff on the walls after living here for over 5 years.

And these are the days of our lives....

A New Perspective

So, after my most recent post, I got an email from Adam's cousin (and mine:0) and she titled it, "A New Perspective." Nothing that she wrote was anything I had never thought to myself a hundred times but when it comes from someone else, it is uplifting in ways that talking to yourself just isn't! She made me cry and reflect (again) on all the wonderful things that I have learned during this process...the people I have come to know but have never met, my outlook on the world and it's priorities, my view of myself as a mother and a wife, my relationship with my husband and children and most importantly, my walk with the Lord. So, I wanted to share what Karen had to say. I pray that it will be uplifting to all my other PAPs out there...just waiting...

Hey Lori,

Okay, so I've been keeping up with your blog and how you have to wait and how I KNOW how miserable it is, etc. So, even though you didn't ask for it, I'm going to give you a new perspective.

*Maybe in two weeks baby will catch a winter cold and God doesn't want her to travel.

*Maybe in three weeks baby will get to go outside and build her very first snowman and God wants her to experience it.

*Maybe in four weeks Flip will do something so cute and special that God doesn't want you to miss because you're flying to Russia.

*Maybe in five weeks the weather conditions will not be safe to travel, so God wants to wait just a little bit longer to avoid putting you and baby in danger.

*Maybe baby has a very special friend who in six weeks will go to a new family and God wants the two of them to spend as much time together before they never see each other again.

*Maybe in seven weeks the Lord will be completely through preparing you, family and especially baby for the emotional transition.

Don't focus on the time. Focus on all the ways you and your little angel are being protected by His timing and be grateful that He would never do less than what is best for you or baby. You know that song ... "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." He may never show you the reason you're having to wait, but know that it's a PERFECT one.

Voice Of Truth

What is it about six weeks? Doesn't it seem like everything is six weeks? "How long will take?" "oh, I'd say about six weeks." Report cards: 6weeks, healing: 6 weeks, government forms: 6 weeks.

Today is 6 weeks since I last saw my daughter. Although it seems like a very long time going in, it has really gone by somewhat quickly. The holidays and projects around the house have helped the days go by a little quicker. I can't say I'd like to go through another 6 weeks but it's possible we will.

Yesterday, I was emailing back and forth with my FC...I do this a lot, I am sure I drive her nuts but I am not sure I can help myself...I just need to ask things. Anyway, she is in a tough position. She can't really say, "I think you will get your court date_______." She tries to prepare me for the wait by reminding me that there are families in our agency that traveled before us and still have not received court dates. I don't really want to hear this. I like to keep in mind that maybe these families are not "paper ready." Most of them are, I know that and I genuinely want them to get their court dates as well. So, then I go to the thought that a second judge is supposed to be coming on in the next week or so and that will help to get the court dates moving a little quicker. And then I realize the truth: My Father in heaven knows when we will get our court date. My human, controlling brain continues to try to rationalize it's way through this process and it can't. My FC doesn't know and neither do I. I cannot say that I will not continue to watch the boards for news that other families have gotten court dates, I will.

I will continue to lift my requests up to my Father, to rejoice in the work He has done and thank Him for all that He is about to do. His is the voice of truth, none other.

Happy Birthday, Flip!

Praising the Lord for 4 Awesome years with this child! He is healthy, happy, loving and so bright! I am so proud to be his mother...Thank you Father for this precious gift!

3 Ring Circus

In Ring #1: Home Depot called today and the installer doesn't like my tile...SHOCKER!!!! Neither do I, that's why I want the carpet over it. Well, what they really don't like are the grout lines, they are huge, in between nice, big, ugly Mexican tile that was laid poorly and has seen better days, I think. What they are saying is that the carpet will start to sink into the grout lines...and it makes sense when you think about it...the grout lines are like the grand canyon. So, they want to pull up the tile or lay thin set which will basically double the cost of laying the carpeting which seemed to me to be too much to begin with. That floor continues to plague me.

In Ring #2: The baseboard that was used in said room is not to be matched...soooo, we will have to put a piece of wood behind the baseboard we are going to use that is the closest we can find to matching...whatever!

In Ring #3: Our new Christmas tree will not fit into the hole that is the entrance to the attic..this is a problem because there is NO WHERE else for this tree to go. We do not have a garage, we have a leaky shed but uh, it leaks so, I cannot put my new pre-lit Christmas tree in it and really, I can't put anything in it; So, why is there? Although I can say all my Christmas stuff is down and packed, I cannot claim that it is all put away. I still have a tree in a very nice storage bag sitting in the middle of my living room...it's future is uncertain at this time.

Is anything around this house ever going to be easy? Probably not!

On a another note, we did go to the circus...last night. The kids had a really good time. My mom has been taking me every year since I was very young and now she treats the kids to it annually as well. They gorged on pretzels, snow cones, and cotton candy while seeing amazing feats of strength and wonder. Oh, and they got to stay up late on a school night. Jack Pot!

In adoption news...we will be getting back the Alabama background checks later this week and we will send those back to AL for apostille and then forward them on to the agency. They have not told us we will need these but they said we could do either the state check for every state we have lived in or the federal check...we are going to assume that Russia will ask for both at some point so we are doing both..."just in case" is a catch phrase in this house!

Also, I received two gifts this weekend for our girl...My mom takes us all skiing once a year...we started this about 3 years ago and so, as the kids grow they need new snow suits. She picked up the cutest little pink one for Els. (that's what I am calling her these days) Then, today in the mail, I got a bracelet that matches the one I have (Ruthie has one too)...this was from my mother in law...it is so small and I can't wait to put it on her. Both are already in the suit case and ready for Russia. (The current temperature in Kras is 0 Degrees F and it gets colder in Feb)

So, the wait continues...there are a lot of people getting referrals, traveling to meet their children and waiting on court dates. A lot of children are waiting to be brought home to their forever families. Our chat group has set aside today, the Russian Orthodox Christmas, to be in prayer for one another, our children, the officials and all the hands that guide our documents and this process. I pray that our Father will continue to grant favor upon us and that we will hear news soon.

Merry Christmas, Ellie!

Chilling Out...In More Ways than One

What a difference a day makes. Today we got up into the 60's and it looks to get warmer through the weekend. Today was absolutely beautiful and I would love to live somewhere that has weather like this year round...I am not sure such a place exists.

I had a good chat with my FC this morning and she set me straight on a few things I was wondering and confused about:

1. The Russian offices do reopen on the 9th but "they" are not expecting to hear anything until at least the 14th. I, however fully believe the Lord will move when He is ready regardless of when "they" think it will happen.
2. Court dates are going to be issued like such: If there are two families who are paper ready, the family who traveled on trip one will get their court date first. However, families who are paper ready do not have to wait for other families to become paper ready just because they traveled first. (Does that make any sense to anyone besides me?)
3. Although the court has been issuing court dates to the agency two at a time ie: two for you, two for you, this does not have to be the case...If AWAA has four paper ready families and Agency XYZ has none, AWAA could conceivably be given four court dates.
4. Although she could not 100% guarantee that a second judge was coming on in the New Year, she did say that she had "heard" that. Hopefully they will notice the number of families backing up in their region and feel the need to get things moving...who knows?
5. I am not done paper chasing. I will likely be chasing paper the day before I leave on trip two and may even have to call home and have other people chase paper for me...expect it, prepare for it and if it doesn't happen praise GOD!
6. I need to chill out.

Ok, she didn't say the last one. She may have implied it but she is way too nice to come right out with it. So, I felt really good after talking to her. She settles me down and really puts things in perspective. I found this on another mom's blog and I wanted it for my own...it expresses how I feel about our FC. (and this process) It was nice to see I am not the only one out there feeling exactly like this:

· The only time we will ever hear good/bad news is while we're at work. We aren't together hearing any of the news. We wait all day at work for a phone call, every day. We know that when we walk out of work for the day, our chances of hearing anything have dwindled to none. The next day is a new day. Fridays are especially hard, because we know that there's no chance of hearing anything until we walk back into work the following Monday.
· We think about this every second of every day. What the agency may perceive as excessive calls has likely been only one call of the thousands of thoughts about calling. Some of the crazy things going through our heads even go as far as 'maybe they just lost my work number' - totally unrealistic.
· When the agency personnel are at work, and reviewing paperwork/sending new requirements, we are at work too. Our only opportunity to complete these requirements is if we take off work or do it in our 'free' time. Delaying emails/messages until the next day is the worst possible thing for us because we lose an entire day to complete the action.

Oh, the Weather Outside is Frightful

Man it is cold outside...we had a freeze last night...I mean I know I complain about the heat but it is stinking cold out there...no where near Siberia but a bit drastic for central, COASTAL Florida...It is 9:15 am and it is still only 30 degrees outside. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong...I mean it is probably the only truly cold front we will get all year, so, I am going to enjoy it but that doesn't mean I can't say, "man, it is cold out there!"

Anyway, we had a nice New Year's celebration with some of our friends and are now settling into 2008...holy cow! 2008! As promised my Christmas decorations are coming down...the interior decorations are down and boxed, the exterior...well, did I tell you??? It is COLD out there! So, I hope to get to those later in the week. I still have plenty of work to get to on the inside. Adam has pretty much finished rolling the family room (it's a big room) and so I must begin the lovely job of "cutting in." This is the worst job ever for two people who hate to paint. Especially because I am not happy with paint unless it looks like we hired and paid someone a fortune to do it perfectly. Have I mentioned I am type A?

They came to measure for the carpeting in the family room yesterday. We should have install dates by early next week. How is this helping get ready for Ellie? Well, it isn't really...but it makes me feel better. And, I can justify it with,"she will be playing a lot on that floor and it grosses me out!" Her room, however, still looks like a storage shed *sigh* I am hoping we can tackle that this weekend.

In adoption news, I have a few praises. The woman at the DCF here in FL has been so helpful, calling me nearly everyday since the 28th to see if we have made any progress and this morning calling to get the proper spelling of our names because it seems she is writing the letter herself...Praise God for putting people like her in our path. She has been dedicated to making sure it got done since it came across her desk. I only have the Lord to thank for putting her in the middle of this process.

As far as the FBI clearance, it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. We got fingerprinted the same day we found out about the new requirement and and got it in the mail to WV. It went through the necessary steps there and was back in my hands on Monday. I got it out same day to the the Sec of State in WV for apostille and I called and the girl there got it done same day and it will be delivered to my agency this morning by 10:30...which is in just one hour...so, it could feasibly be in Russia before they reopen. More Praises for God...He continues to put the right people in my path.

I did have a moment of clarity in the car yesterday...it is where I have most of my "aha!" moments. We are already almost finished with the first week of silence out of Russia. They reopen on the 14th and so, tomorrow will finish up the first week! It wasn't so bad...I have a lot to keep me busy and things to look forward to over the next few weeks...

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

And He will Sustain me!