Deep (& shallow) Thoughts, By: Lori Jerger

Time V. Priorities: When I say, "I don't have time for that." What I really mean is that it is not a priority for me. I have my priorities and everyone else has theirs. Priorities are exclusive to an individual...sometimes two individuals might share a priority but it is by personal choice.

Cost of gas: It is going up folks, have you noticed? Boycotting a single gas company like Shell or Mobile is not going to effect the cost of gas. You will still be using the same amount of gas no matter where you buy it...Supply and demand is a simple economic fact that we should have all learned in high school...if we use less gas, there will be less demand and the cost of gas will go down. If you want to help drive the cost down, stop forwarding emails and boycotting stations...get on your bike and ride to work. Walk somewhere instead of driving...stay home and rent a movie instead of going out...complaint without action is useless. I challenge you to use 1/3 less gas this week.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/gasoline/gasout.asp

Lori's law of excuses: When someone repeatedly says,"no" to the same request and offers a different lame excuse each time, or better yet, tries to find some way not to have to answer at all, the answer is, "no" and is always going to be , "no."

Say what you mean: and mean what you say. If you don't, I am going to interpret it how I want to and if you don't like how I respond, too bad. Since you didn't say what you meant, I get to take it however I want:0)

Personal Responsibility: Everyone has their own...My mama tells me I am not responsible for how others feel about or react to the decisions I make. As long as I am pleasing God, and my husband, how others feel about the way I conduct myself or the decisions I make regarding anything, is not my responsibility. Likewise, I am the only person responsible for how I respond in any given situation.

You may ask yourself what brought this on...nothing in particular...just my observation of human behaviour and my need to just be myself. It gets tiring feeling like you can't just speak your mind for fear of hurting someone. My prayer is that the Lord will give me the words to speak in every situation...even when it is something that may not be pleasing to the person listening...

Ellie update: She is doing really well actually. We are having virtually no tears at bedtime. She sleeps completely through the night from about 8pm to 6:30AM when all the others are moving around getting ready for school. She and the dog are best of friends now but the cat has bitten her twice...that's just today:0) Verbally she is moving right along...mimicking everything and progressively using her language to ask for things and communicate with us. I think having the other three around is really helping her in that area. She is in love with her father. When he walks in the door, she runs up and yells at me, "Daddy!" and points to the door before she runs over to hug him. She has an appointment next week for her first immunizations and I am anxious to see if she has put on any weight...she is a bottomless pit and will eat nearly anything you place in front of her...a far cry from the little runt we picked up in Russia who would barely drink milk and eat bread.

Ellie is so strong willed and yet, very affectionate...she wants to be held all the time...obviously, since I work from home, this can present a bit of a problem...I am working on this...it's hard for me to not want to hold her knowing that for the first two years of her life, she was not rocked to sleep, snuggled and read to, all the other normal things I took for granted with my first three. We are still allowing people to hold her for only brief snatches...less than 5 minutes at a time. I'm giving myself some time to spoil her...after two and half years in the process, it's the least we both deserve.

Rambling over...and out.

Playing Catch Up

Ok, I have been so busy!!!! I volunteered myself to make scrapbooks for all of the kids in Rusty's class and I have to have them finished by Friday! They are almost done but I am catching some slack for not updating my blog so I am going to do and update in pics...Here we go:

Ellie and Tutu meet.

(Adam's Grandmother)

My dad and Stepmom

come for a visit...a good

time is had by all.

Ellie has her first ice

cream and loves it

Meagen comes to town...

Swimming with the Forzaglia

and Stofer kids.

Ellie swims in a pool for

the first time. Guess what?

She loves it!!!!

Movie night at the Jerger

House. Well, ok, we didn't

actually watch the movie but

we had fun.

Ellie meets Grammy.

(my grandmother)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Memorial Day...

PS...I was there too...I'm the one taking all the pictures:0)

Wanna talk About ME!

I have been tagged by Ms. Bates, thank you so much. So, here are the 7 random/little known things about me:

1. My husband is the love of my life…literally. I started talking to him on the phone two weeks before I turned 16…we had our first date 5/1/93 and have been together ever since. He was my first date, first kiss and he is my best friend.

2. I have 4 children ages 8, 6, 4 and 2. It’s hard. People always ask me, “How do you do it? I just do, it’s why I’m here on earth…thank you, Lord... Some days I don’t want to but I love them with everything I have inside of me.

3. I am immensely passionate. *wink* When I believe something is right or wrong, I cannot keep my mouth shut. I know there are some verses in James I should be meditating on for this problem I have but it’s who I am.
4. I am very sensitive. Most people don’t know this. People think because I am so outspoken and strong-willed that I am also made of stone…not so, my feelings get hurt easily.
5. It “caught up with me.” The fat I mean. Everyone told me it would, and it did…it started with my freshman 15 and went from there…4 kids later, I have most of it off and am struggling to keep it that way.
6. I like to be alone. Not all the time but a lot. I go through phases where I just want to hang at home…not be social, not talk on the phone and not go out just to be out. I love my home and the people in it and sometimes, I want to shut everyone else out and just vedge.
7. I want to see the world and everything in it…so many places, so little time….traveling is addictive, but expensive!

I tag: Karen, Stacy, and Carey.

A Broken Heart

Please Scroll down and mute the music...

My prayers go out to the Chapman family following the death of their youngest daughter, Maria. May the peace of the Lord surround them during this most painful time.

Surfin' USA

Ok, so it's been a week. We've been busy, what can I say? Each year toward the last days of school, one (or more) of our kids have a beach field trip. We pack up and whatever kids I have in my possession go with me and the kid's classes to the beach. Last year I had Rusty and Dinah's little Gracie with me...This year, in my car was Ruthie, Rusty, Ellie and two of Ruthie's classmates. (Flip had school for the curious minded)

The field trip leaves from the school, we drive about 40 minutes and catch a ferry out to an island, spend a few hours playing and then head back...this year was special because it was a certain little girl's first trip to the sand and sea. SHE LOVED IT! I wasn't sure how she would do because she is finicky about having "stuff" on her hands. She sat right down in the sand and proceeded to smear it all over her. She ate with sand on her hands...wandered about and even ventured toward the surf holding Rusty's hand.

The water was a bit overwhelming for her. It was a windy day and the waves were a bit higher than we normally get on the west coast...her being so little, they swiped her right off her feet. She was fascinated with the sensation of wet sand between her toes each time the water came in and buried her feet. She has no fear of water...swimming lessons ASAP!

I am looking forward to family trips to the beach this summer when Adam can take her into the water and play. I know, being a Florida girl, you would think I would be a beach loving sun worshipper...I DO NOT tan...and when I say I DO NOT tan, I mean that I freckle, I burn and I peal. I am a Florida girl only in a name...I have seen too many leathery women to want to sacrifice my skin to the sun for the sake of a little color. I also do not particularly care for the beach. I prefer to see my feet when I am in the water and it is even better if I am not sharing the water with any other species.

I sacrifice my clean, SAND FREE car to venture to the beach because my kids love it. It is even better if we can drag daddy along with us because he will go into the water. He will help bathe everyone when we get back while I wash all the nasty, wet, sandy suits and towels. He will unload the car of sand toys, chairs and coolers and he will take my car and vacuum out all the sand...no wonder the beach is eroding...it goes home with all the families who visit her shores! So, we are not your typical beach combing Florida family but rather reluctant summer visitors in SPF 50. But, it sure is beautiful at sunset.

Ruthie and her best friends.

Rusty and His teacher.

Mom About Town

So, Mother's day has come and gone but the festivities are just now drawing to a close. The kid's school had Mother's day lunch with your children yesterday so I wanted to be there for that...As I was getting them out the door yesterday, I reminded Ruthie and Rusty that I would be there...Flip turns to me and says, "Mommy, mine was on Friday and I was the only one without a mommy there." (Heart squeezes...I was on my way home from NC) "Flip, I will be there TODAY!" So, At 10:00 I had lunch with Rusty...11:09, Ruthie, and 12:00 Flip. At 12:30 I ran through Wendy's to get Adam some lunch and take it to him at work. Then it was pretty much right back to the school for car circle:0)

Ruthie's class had a wonderful little dance they did to Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings. Her teacher, Mrs, Johnson, is retiring and has had this class for two years. She has been awesome and such a positive person in Ruthie's life. They also wrote books about their mothers and Ruthie got to read her's aloud at lunch...I am not in an emotional state for this people! Tears were flowing...I am going insert the words to her book here...please feel free to scroll down if you are in a hurry:0)

"Dedicated to my mom, who loves me unconditionally. Your loving daughter, Ruthie.

When I see her face, my frown wrinkles into a smile.

Her silky, smooth, brown hair looks beautiful swaying in the wind...like a graceful swan flying. Her dark brown eyes sparkle and flash in the sunlight.

She cooks delicious , cheesy Macaroni. My mouth waters every time she cooks something.

She almost always has something nice to say. She is almost never mean.

When I am sad, she comforts me in her soft, warm arms like a snugly teddy bear.

Before bed, she snuggles me softly and doesn't forget our great big bear hug!

Every time I see her, my heart warms up like hot chocolate.

It is like all the stars in the Sky are people but the brightest one is her.

She is a gift from Heaven above...my gift!"

Ok, I can't proclaim to be all of these wonderful things...It's not that I can't cook, I just don't like to...but my Mac and cheese is the best around...and Adam will kill for my tater tots...but seriously, I am so thankful that the Lord trusts me to raise His children during their time on earth. I pray each day that I would be the mother He needs me to be to fulfill His purpose for these four little ones. I am fairly certain I fall short quite often. Thank goodness for His footprints in the sand. Thank you, Lord...For my mom and her mom...for my children...and for a woman who is across an ocean, probably still grieving for a child she couldn't keep.

Home Again

Carolina Cutie

Yes, I am home...again. After a fun filled, (relaxing in a stressful kind of way) week spent with my dear friend Meagen, the girls and I have landed back in Planet Boy and rejoined the rat race we call life at the Jerger House. Oy!

We had such a good time visiting...aside from the doctor visits, we shopped, and played and just relaxed which was so nice. I never feel like I can relax at home...there is always something I should be doing. Meagen and I managed to get a few movies in...she is a member of the Blockbuster mail thing...and now I am too:0) We saw P.S. I love you. It was a total tear-jerker but good. We also watched Elizabeth and Elizabeth: the Golden Years. If you like period films/movies, I enjoyed them both. My least favorite was Wicker Park. I am certain we saw some others but I can't remember what they were...Meagen...leave a comment with some reviews of the other movies we watched.

As I said previously, Ruthie really enjoyed the time away visiting with the girls and Ellie did amazing! She was fine around all the new people. I did allow them to hold her for short snatches of time. I felt ok with this because they are not "regular" people in her life and our visit was short. They still did not provide for any of her needs...I fed, bathed and gave her pretty much anything she needed or wanted. She played easily with all of the kids and came to me when I asked her to. There were no tantrums and I never felt that she was attaching to one of the others in an inappropriate way. We will hold off on the nursery at church for a while but will begin to allow people to hold her for very short periods of time.

The flight home was uneventful...We were picked up by the "men" and took Ruthie straight to gymnastics. I got home and got everything unpacked and then we picked Ruthie up and headed to some friends for a BBQ. That was nice. Today, We had lunch with Adam's parents and grandmother. It was her first time meeting Ellie. Tonight we go to dinner with my parents to celebrate mother's day with her and my step-dad's birthday. Tomorrow, church and then lunch and shopping with my girls...no kids...Happy Mother's Day to us... and to all of you Mommy's out there who are doing this job day in and day out. Even when you don't get that thank you you deserve, you glorify the Lord by taking care of your family...put your feet up and enjoy the day...you earned it!

Carolina on My Mind

We are in North Carolina...We got here fairly early Sunday morning and had a nice afternoon visiting with our friends and just hanging out. Ruthie has been having a hard time emotionally so late Saturday afternoon, I decided to call her teacher and see what she thought about me bringing her with me. Our Friends, Chris and Meagen have two daughters close to her age and they use to play together before they moved here. Her teacher thought it was a great idea so I got the ticket last minute and "just the girls" flew off into the sunrise...

On Monday morning I made the drive to Concord. It is about 2.5 hours from here but it is a beautiful ride...the wild flowers are blooming in a lot of different colors...Ellie pretty much slept the whole way so I used the time to enjoy listening to some music and taking in the scenery.

We got to the office early and checked in. The appointment itself was great. Dr. Douglass is a wonderful man and he again prayed with us at the start of the appointment. He covered everything that would be tested and gave Ellie a thorough exam. When he left, the nurses came in to do the blood draw. When I say it was awful, I mean horrendous! There were several tubes that needed to be filled! They started with the TB test which totally ticked her off and then they moved on to trying to draw the blood..did I mention it was horrible?

Ellie has the tiniest, most crooked veins! The poor lady has been drawing blood for 20 years and she looked as if she were about to cry before she left the room and sent someone else in. By this point, we were probably 30 minutes into the blood draw...both arms had been stuck and dug into. They decided to try to draw as much blood as possible by using a heel stick. This procedure was grueling! They stuck her heel and squeezed it over and over to get the blood to come out all the while scraping it off her foot with a little spoon-type vial. This took about an hour to fill 3 very small vials during which I am standing up holding her. Both heels stopped bleeding before they got all the blood they needed. So, this nurse decides to take a look at her arms again...they did ask me if I was ok with them trying again, and I was...I did not want her to have to go through it again at the next appointment.

The second nurse found a vein and managed to get one vial before it collapsed. By this point, Ellie has screamed for going on two hours...she is falling asleep between each prick...we are in NC so the nurses just kept saying, "oh bless her little heart." (insert accent here:0) They were really very sweet ladies. Anyway, she managed to find another good vein in the other arm and get the remaining blood they needed but her blood was flowing very slowly so this took a lot of time. We left over three hours after arriving with one tired little girl and seven new holes in her body.

We got back to Meagen's house right at dinner time...long day...we had some dinner and the kids played for bit before having baths and going to bed...the next day was free so we took all the kids shopping and had lunch at the mall...all day event:0) It was a good time.

Today, we went back to Dr. Douglass to have the Tb test read (negative) and hear the results of most of her blood work. So far, everything that has come in is looking really good. He will call us with the rest of the results but he is extremely confident that nothing is going to show up based on what he has already seen. He does recommend that Ellie see a cardiologist. Dr. Douglass does not hear anything of concern but because the Russian doctors made mention of the heart thing repeatedly, he would like us to have a sonogram done to put the doubts to rest. We will line that up when I get back.

On the way home today, I couldn't resist the urge to stop and get a picture of Ellie in the wild flowers. I will post pics from this trip when I get home. Ruthie is really enjoying the time here with Taylor and Kelly. Meagen always has such a gentle way of dealing with Ruthie that makes her feel special. The decision to bring her seems to be a good one.

Meagen and I are really enjoying catching up on some movies...She and I are sort of Connoisseurs of movies and have very much the same taste when comes to what we like watch and read...I will save the movie reviews for another time. Tomorrow is a free day just hanging out...not sure yet what's in store and then Friday we return home...and the weekend is already full!

Rambling Bayou

So, I checked the registry website earlier in the week and they finally updated and our little "Vika" is no longer on the list of available children:0) This worried me between trips but then when we got home and she was on there for three weeks after we had her in our arms, I had to laugh! But, it'sbeen updated and she no longer listed as a child needing a family.

It's been a long week. In the spirit of getting in shape, I am back on the tread mill and toning after probably 6 months of irregular exercise. Since gotcha day, I have been without children for a total of 2 hours...I am counting the night time because since we got home, nights are hit or miss. Some nights we don't hear a peep out of her and on those nights, it is one of the others:0) We are up at 6am to get ready for school and the after school activities don't stop until nearly 9pm some nights. Oy, I am tired!

The kids are starting to settle in...I use the word "starting" loosely. Flip's skin is getting a little thicker...Ruthie has realised she is just really emotional right now and is making an effort to let things roll off her back and Rusty...well, he is Rusty. Ellie is almost completely comfortable with the dog now...the other day she fell asleep on him and I would have taken a pic but Adam had the camera at the Cubbies Award Ceremonies. And, seriously, how cute is this red head in a bright blue Cubbies Vest?

Over the past few weeks, Ellie has done really well eating and sleeping. She is getting through each day with little to no nap due to our weird school schedule...in order for her to get a full 2 hour nap, she would have to be asleep by 11:30 since I have to leave the house by 1:35 to pick up Ruthie and Rusty. Usually I leave the house before this to get errands done. She tends to cat nap through out the day and crash hard at night. We may have discovered the problem at bedtime...we think it is the door...it must remain OPEN ALL THE WAY. I'm pretty sure she is quite afraid to be in rooms by herself. She will venture off through out the day but she either yells for me until I call back or she comes to find me every 10 minutes or so. At night, she falls asleep almost instantly if we sit beside her bed. If she wakes in the night, she cries...when she wakes in the morning, (light outside) she will sometimes play quietly until I go in and get her.

She really enjoys being held and snuggled...this is so nice because it could be so the other way around. However, I am dealing with the emotions of three other children. I am finding it difficult to balance the needs of an adopted child with the emotions of children who feel they have been displaced. It is emotionally wearing. Adam has been overcompensating with the other three to the detriment of his bonding time with Ellie. When I get back from North Carolina, we are going to throw her into the night time routine with the rest of the kids...this is Adam's time with them. He prays with them and plays games in their rooms right before bed. I have been putting Ellie to bed each night out of deference to their "normal" routine. But starting next week, Ellie will be thrown into bath, bed and beyond with the rest of the scallywags.

So, Ellie and I fly to NC on Sunday morning bright and early. We have appointments with Dr. Douglass both Monday and Wednesday. I am going to stay with my friend who lives outside of Raleigh and make the drive to Concord those two days. (about 2.5 hours each way) I am looking forward to the time with my friend and her kids and the down time the ride to and from the doctor will offer. (the car acts as a sedative for Ellie:0) I get home on Friday...no more trips for a while...whew!

We chose to use Dr. Douglass for Ellie's initial evaluation because he specializes in Russian medical evaluations. He is the one who evaluated the information we got with Ellie's referral. He is also a Christian. He prayed with us at the start and finish of every conversation we had with him. He is extremely knowledgeable in the statistics of Russian diagnosis and terminology. Dr. Douglass will do all the necessary testing and provide our pediatrician here with a comprehensive baseline. Our main concerns are any issues she may have with her heart and her leg. We're not certain that there is anything wrong with either. Nothing is mentioned in her medical about her leg but I think she walks funny and the doctors in Russia are convinced she has some issues with her heart...Dr. Douglass assures us he sees this diagnosis all the time and in most cases it turns out to be inaccurate. SO, please be in prayer over the testing she will have done over the next week.

Ellie is picking up quite a bit of language...she mocks everything and is watching our mouths all the time...I am working with her to get her to start stringing words together. Pretty much the only Russian word she still uses is "Die." (give) I mean really...but at least I got rid of kaka...ick! I despise that word. She is hilarious at the playground...she runs from one thing to another never stopping to actually enjoy anything. she likes the swing but only if it is barely moving! We are going to have change that because we are a family of roller coaster riders and her first trip to Disney is coming up soon...Those of you that wanted to meet us there with your kiddos...email me and let's get it together...

I think that is enough ramble for one blog...